On Consciousness

Published on October 23, 2025 at 4:17 PM

Our story

I have been a spiritual seeker for many incarnations. In this life I learned Transcendental Meditation at 13 years of age thanks to my mother's influence and example. Trained as a nurse she eventually became an astrologer committed to uplifting people to achieve their spiritual and worldly potential. From an early age I experienced grace in many forms as I meditated eventually taking the TM-Siddhis course and learning yogic flying which was a delight. There are two great themes in the avatar of of my ego as it developed: the search for Self-realization and mental illness.

Eventually in my 30 year psychoanalysis with Dr. Joel L. Whitton, MD, PhD, I met the Shadow. I was hospitalized 9 times in 13 years for relapses of a stress disorder. Joel was the author of 'Life Between Life', a best seller in 13 languages in 30 countries about his patient's exploration of the inter-life period in the Bardo between incarnations. My psychotic relapses, from a spiritual perspective, were the result of releasing and healing past-life trauma. Today, 12 years after my last relapse I am well and have healed my mental illness but I still take the anti-psychotic Risperidone and rely on the wise counsel of my physician and spiritual advisor. Carl Jung said that '90% of the Shadow is pure gold'. It contains a great amount of energy and potential which can be integrated in the spiritual journey to foster a healthy consciousness. My soul has always been whole and well, as a Yogi in the making I have learned that my total consciousness is multiply aspected, creative, spiritual and powerfully committed to the sadhana of seeking God and uplifting those who suffer with mental illness through spiritual direction counselling.

When Awakening Hurts: Spiritual Emergency

Published November 27, 2025 at 12:34 pm

My father was a forester who taught me to love trees. He was killed in an airline crash when I was 8. This was a devastating shock and traumatic loss. Every morning at the cottage on Georgian Bay he would have me take a pail and small shovel and scoop out the ashes from the granite fireplace. He had me spread the ashes around the base of the trees in our cottage lot to nourish them. Forty-five years later I found myself hugging a tree in a fugue state at night on the campus of a Baptist College in Marin County California. I was in the midst of a spiritual emergency and hadn't slept for four nights. People gathered and someone called the police. This was a time when awakening hurts. I still remember the anxiety of the police officer who had to check the pockets of my jeans, "Are there any needles?" he asked anxiously. 'No', I replied. They took me to the Psychiatric Unit of Marin General Hospital where I was admitted to a waiting room. For some reason everyone left and I was alone. After a long while I looked around and saw that a door to the outside hall was left ajar and I went through it, leaving the facility. I went some distance into the woods and scrambled over a hill side into a bowl like area filled with trees. They fascinated me. I could see dynamic patterns in their bark in the moonlight and stayed there anxiously ruminating for hours. Eventually I began to calm down and returned to the hospital, was formally admitted and stayed for several weeks on medication.

Dr. Stanislav Grof in 'Spiritual Emergency:When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis' (Tarcher Putnam, 1989) writes that some of the dramatic experience that medicine treats as diseased states of mind are actually crises of personal transformation or 'spiritual emergencies'. "Episodes of this kind have been described in sacred literature of all ages as a result of meditative practices and signposts of the mystical path. When these states of mind are properly understood and treated supportively rather than suppressed by standard psychiatric routines, they can be healing and have very beneficial effects on the people who experience them." (Introduction, X) My experience was serious and I needed to be hospitalized but I came eventually to realize that it was an expression of the working through of current and past-life trauma and ultimately healing. It was an emergency and its roots were spiritual. Spiritual emergency and psychosis can both involve intense emotions, disorganized thoughts and altered perceptions but they differ in outcome and treatment. It is important to consult a medical professional who is familiar with both states in assessing diagnosis and care regarding these states as symptoms can overlap and be culturally influenced. In a spiritual emergency the crisis is seen as a potential gateway to spiritual growth and psychological integration rather than simply a disease to be healed. Carl Jung had a profound spiritual emergency in 1913 which laid the foundation for all his brilliant later work. This was a breakdown of his ego that allowed for a new, more spiritually integrated consciousness to emerge.

Why I Call Myself a Yogi In The Making

Published November 11, 2025 at 2:38 pm

Many years ago I had a powerful dream following the end of my marriage and the loss of regular access to my young children when their mother re-married and moved across the country. In the dream I was leaning against a wall with my former wife and children beside me. I felt an extraordinary sensation of relief as a long white square stake was being pulled out of my heart, leaving a square hole behind. Soon thereafter I was going to the Siddha Yoga ashram in South Fallsburg, New York to have Shaktipat Initiation, a profound experience of grace as spirit descends from the Guru Gurumayi Chidvilasananda and enlivens the subtle body and activates one’s kundalini. It is the same experience the early Christians were astounded to behold amongst themselves at Pentecost. Shakti is the divine cosmic energy which projects, maintains and dissolves the universe, identical with the Holy Spirit. Shaktipat begins a process of descent of this energy from the Guru to the disciple which gradually transforms the seeker in body, mind and spirit. At a certain point in the Initiation ceremony I became aware of the Shakti – like blue lightning before me that was conscious and communicated without words. It asked me where in my being I wanted it to enter and I immediately thought of my dream and the square hole in my heart. ‘Oh, in my heart!’ I cried and began to weep. The Shakti entered there instantly and began a gradual process of re-working and integrating my chakras, the energy centres in my body in the months that followed. My journey that followed through mental illness, collapse and recovery, again and again, was a product of the healing power of Shakti and the journey to be of service to God. I am still a Yogi in the making, just as I was when that stake was pulled out. In a sense everyone on the spiritual path is, regardless of the religious orientation they may celebrate. When I attend an Anglican service and experience Jesus’ Shakti during the Eucharist as the presence of the Holy Spirit I am continuing to become a Yogi, a seeker of divine union in many traditions.

Our history

Our history is about the search for God within. In my last incarnation I was Dr. Benjamin Fish Austin, my great grand-uncle. In the 1890's I was a Methodist minister and principal of Alma Ladies College in St. Thomas, Ontario who became fascinated by psychic phenomena and Spiritualism. Wikipedia has an article on my life including reference to the heresy trail I faced leading to my expulsion from the Church for my progressive views. In every incarnation it seems there has been a crisis and test of faith, often in the sense of a Spiritual Emergency when the process of transformation and development became chaotic and overwhelming, eventually leading to a deeper realization of God within.

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Comments

Brent Willock

a month ago

Glad to hear you have found ways to moved beyond mental illness/stress disorder and are enjoying a path of spritual development, and sharing that journey with anyone all who are interested. Wishing you and them the best!